Now that I'm divorced, I have this interesting perspective on love, sex, relationship... You know what they say about hind sight... There's a clarity to how I see those things now. I guess that happens when the emotions of it all are far removed. When you're, married, sex often becomes a chore that you rarely have time or energy for. We're quick to assume that our husband's needs will be there tomorrow or the next day. Today is just not the day, babe. Maybe next week. And it's easy to take for granted that they're locked in for the long haul with us so showing up our best is optional. This may not represent all of us. But I've done a lot of listening and this is the story for many of us. You married him as one person but he's now married to another version.
Here's some of my theories. I think we show up in our marriages half of a person because we are so busy taking care of people, giving birth, making meals..... we excuse ourself from being our own person and caring for our own needs. We allow ourself to get lost. No one asked us to do that. We do that. And then years later, we wake up, look in the mirror and dislike what we see. If that's not you, don't read this. If there's some truth to this for you then hear me out?
No one asked you to loose yourself to make everyone else's world go 'round. You did that. Which is good news. You can fix it. I did this in my marriage. It didn't turn out well for me. Where ever you went, you can find your self again. I'm speaking from experience. There's no one like you so if you're not being you, then you're missing.
If you think you don't have to show up intimately in your marriage often, you should probably check his phone records... My therapist told me that so you can thank or blame him, depending on how you took it. I realize that there are unfortunate circumstances in some relationships that have to be worked through. I’m not talking about those. Healing in the area of intimacy is so so difficult and incredibly precious. I respect the process and this post isn’t about that.
Your husband loves you. Your husband needs you. Your husband wants you. Your "flaws" are not flaws to him. There just part of you. And I have a feeling you spend twenty thousand times more effort hating on and worrying about your body, your age, your wardrobe than he does... I think he might love your more than you love you. But, what if that changed? What would happen if that changed. Think about it. Stop reading this and think about what would change in your life...
Now, what do you want to do about it? Do you want to put on some yoga pants and actually do yoga? Do you want to get a sitter and take your man on a date? Do you want to throw out every pair of worn undies you have and fill your drawers with pretty panties? Maybe buy a new bra from somewhere other than target and see how you feel. Do something to interrupt whatever isn't working. Loving yourself is loving your husband. Loving yourself is loving your kids. It is in no way selfish. If you got your hair done before you had kids. Why wouldn't you get your hair done after? I'm pretty sure your man goes to the barber still.
I write all of this because I have been there and I believe there is something better for us. I believe that we can see ourself differently and change our relationships because of it. I believe that when our kids see us living in love, they thrive with joy and security. Maybe boudoir photography isn't the answer for you. Maybe it's a start. I can guarantee you this: A boudoir session with me will cause you to feel liberated, empowered and lovely. And I'm sure you already know how it will make your man feel. I think he'd feel cared for and considered. I think he'd feel loved and heard. I think it would jumpstart something really great in your marriage. Take some time and think about it. If you're intimidated by those extra 15 pounds, put your Nike's on and get to work. If you need a wax and a tan, I've got a girl. If you just need a friend with you, bring her. I'll bring the Champagne. Consider it. I'll be here when you're ready.